The 3 Hs of Better Communication: Hear, Hug, Help

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You’ve probably been here: you had a tough day and you come home and want to talk to your partner/friend/flatmate etc. to just unwind and let it all out… or maybe to simply whine or complain. And you don’t want or need a solution (not at that time, anyway), and yet they start giving you solutions or telling you how you could have done things better. Maybe you just wanted to be heard, or to get a hug, or a pat on the back… and you get out of that conversation even more upset and feeling misunderstood. Well… I’ve been there before, and you’ve probably been too…

That’s where the 3 Hs strategy — Hear, Hug, Help — comes in 😊.

I’ve told you before that I always learn from my participants when delivering training courses. This is what happened with the 3H strategy too. During an in-house PCM training session with a corporate client, with whom I’ve been lucky enough to collaborate for over three years, one participant, Andreea, shared it with me and the class. Thank you so much, Andreea — for sharing it and for allowing me to share it with the world too! The strategy stuck with me and I’ve been using it ever since. So simple and yet, so efficient.

Let’s dig in and see what it is about. The 3 Hs come from the following steps that we can take in our communication with our partners, friends, family member or colleagues:

Hear: Letting Them Know You’re All Ears

First up, we have ‘Hear.’ This stage is all about giving your conversation partner your full attention. It’s listening to what they’re saying without interrupting or thinking about what to say next. You’re there to absorb and understand where they are coming from. Use your body language (through nods, eye contact), and encouraging prompts like “I understand” or “Tell me more,” to let them know that they’re being heard.

Hug: More Than Just a Physical Embrace

Next, ‘Hug’ steps in. It’s not just about physical closeness but also providing emotional support. It’s a way to let your partner, or friend or colleague know, “I’m here with you, for you.”

Help: When Two Heads Are Better Than One

Lastly, ‘Help’ brings your teamwork into the spotlight. This is where you both get to brainstorm, share advice, and figure out steps to tackle the challenge they are facing.

The Even Better News: The 3 Hs Strategy is Very Flexible

Here’s where it gets even better: the 3 Hs are super flexible. While they naturally flow in order — Hear, Hug, Help — there’s room to adapt based on the need of the moment. Sometimes, your conversation partner might express the need for just one or two of the Hs. They might say, “I just need you to hear me right now,” or “I could really use a hug.” This isn’t about sticking rigidly to a formula; it’s about using these steps as tools to meet each other’s needs in the most fitting way possible.

And, I must say, most of the times this is how I start — just with wanting to be Heard or Hugged. Sometimes we get to the other Hs or not. And that is fine!

Putting It All Together

Adopting the 3 Hs strategy starts with a pact to use these words — Hear, Hug, Help — to communicate what you need from each other. It’s like having a secret code that ensures both of you feel heard, supported, and ready to support each other through any challenges.

Why the 3 Hs Work Wonders

The magic of the 3 Hs lies in their simplicity and adaptability. They pave the way for conversations filled with intention, understanding, and support. Integrating these habits into your daily interactions is a game-changer, promising relationships that are not only stronger but also more resilient. And you can easily apply this to the way you communicate in teams too (just see with the “Hugs”, if that’s OK and allowed in your work environment 😉 ).

So, whether it’s one H, two, or all three, the essence of the 3 Hs strategy is its flexibility and the promise it holds for deeper, more meaningful connections.

Here’s to better communication, one H at a time!

Stay happy, stay healthy, stay safe!

Magda.